Miscarriage is a heartbreaking experience that can shake the foundation of a family. It brings an emotional storm, not just for women, but for men too. And yet—while society is beginning to acknowledge the depth of a woman’s grief—men’s emotional experiences are still largely kept in the shadows.
Why is that?
Why do so many men feel like they can’t talk about miscarriage? Why do they suffer in silence?
Let’s dive into eight powerful reasons men find it so hard to express their grief after pregnancy loss—and how we can start creating more space for them to heal.
1. Masculinity Teaches Men to Be “Strong,” Not Vulnerable
From early on, boys are taught to “man up,” “be tough,” and “don’t cry.” By the time they become men, many have internalised the idea that emotions = weakness.
So when miscarriage happens, the first instinct isn’t to talk. It’s to hold it all in, to be “the rock” for their partner. While this can come from a place of love, it often results in emotional suppression. Vulnerability becomes a private battle, not a shared experience.
2. Their Grief Often Goes Unseen (and Unvalidated)
Let’s face it—when a miscarriage happens, the spotlight (rightfully) falls on the woman’s physical and emotional recovery. But that can leave the man’s grief in the shadows.
People don’t always check in with the father. Friends might not ask how he is doing. This lack of acknowledgment can make men feel invisible in their own loss.
When your pain isn’t seen, it’s hard to feel like talking about it matters.
3. They Don’t Want to Add to Their Partner’s Pain
In many cases, men hold back emotionally because they’re trying to be supportive. If their partner is already devastated, they might think, “She doesn’t need my pain too.”
But grief doesn’t work like math—you can’t subtract one person’s sadness to help the other feel lighter. In fact, sharing grief can often be a powerful way to heal together.
Still, this fear of overshadowing their partner’s experience keeps many men silent.
4. Many Men Struggle to Name Their Emotions
Emotional language doesn’t come easily to everyone—especially if you’ve never been taught how to express your inner world.
Rather than saying, “I feel heartbroken,” a man might instead get quiet, irritable, or even angry. These are all valid emotional responses, but without awareness or guidance, men may not recognize that they’re actually grieving.
If you can’t name it, it’s hard to talk about it.
5. “It Wasn’t Real Yet”—The Myth That Minimizes Their Loss
A common thought that many men (and others) have after miscarriage is: “It was early… was it even real yet?”
But that line of thinking can deeply invalidate the emotional bond already formed. It doesn’t matter if it was six weeks or six months—hopes and dreams for the baby were already taking root.
This myth causes men to question whether their grief is “legitimate.” The result? Silence, self-doubt, and unspoken pain.
6. There’s Pressure to “Get Back to Normal”
After miscarriage, life can feel like it moves on too quickly.
Men might feel pressure—internal or external—to return to work, keep things running at home, and keep it together. The world doesn’t always give them permission to pause.
And in playing the role of supporter, they often sacrifice their own healing in the process.
7. They’re Afraid of Being Judged or Misunderstood
Let’s be honest—emotional vulnerability from men is still often met with discomfort or confusion.
Will people understand? Will they think he’s being dramatic? Weak? Overly sensitive?
The fear of being dismissed keeps a lot of men quiet, especially when talking about something as misunderstood and delicate as miscarriage.
8. They Don’t See Themselves in the Narrative
When we hear about miscarriage—on social media, in books, in support groups—the stories we hear are almost always from women.
That’s completely valid and important. But it also means men rarely see examples of other men grieving, processing, and talking about loss.
Without representation, it’s easy to believe, “Maybe I’m the only one feeling this way.”
And that’s a lonely place to be.
So… What Can We Do About It?
We need to shift the culture around grief, miscarriage, and masculinity. Here’s how we can support men in opening up:
- Normalise emotional honesty: Teach boys and men that it’s okay to cry, talk, and be vulnerable.
- Check in with both partners: Ask the father how he’s doing—not just out of politeness, but with genuine care.
- Create safe spaces: Whether it’s therapy, support groups, or just a good friend—men need non-judgmental places to talk.
- Talk about it publicly: More men sharing their stories helps others feel less alone.
- Encourage couples to grieve together: Open communication can deepen connection and help both partners process the loss.
Final Thoughts
Miscarriage is not just a physical event—it’s a deep emotional loss that touches both parents. And while men may not carry the pregnancy, they carry dreams, fears, love, and grief.
Let’s stop assuming that silence equals strength.
Let’s create a world where men feel safe to say, “I’m hurting too.”
Because healing begins where honesty lives—and every parent deserves the space to mourn, remember, and move forward.